The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
