A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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