I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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