i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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