Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
