I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
