I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
