i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
