pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
