that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
did i walk over a car last night?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
