I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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