dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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