Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize