when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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