i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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