escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
