someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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