See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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