if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
