the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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