I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
