But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
