If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
