you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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