my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
