something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
