I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
