I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
