I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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