Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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