Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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