Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the day after is always just damage control
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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