I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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