I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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