Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
