How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
