areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
