Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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