Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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