i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
