I accidentally burped into my bong.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
