i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
