Your dad touched me again.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
