A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
