my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
