why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
