If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
