Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
