how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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