So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
