I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
